Asking myself

I ask myself time and time again why do i do what i do? Why do you do when you know something is bad for you? It's because there's novelty in wanting and doing something that's not supposed to be done. There's a certain thrill when you do something bad. There's a certain satisfaction when you know you're not as good as how you think you are. Something bad, that's something very subjective. But what i'm putting myself through right now...i know it's bad. or at least, not good. I should probably steer away from this as far as possible, perhaps as far as a deadly contagious incurable rare disease. But me being me, i find pleasure in hurting myself although i know that in the end i'm going to et so crushed like those groundnuts being put in the blender of full speed. I'll be careful though, i know i'm stepping on sharp broken glass. At least i know what i'm getting myself into so that's not so bad. Worry about the consequences later, when it's a bit too little too late. But for now, just for now...let me soak in your high raspy voice, let me bathe in your warm sweet words, let me let you take me. You can go ahead and break me into a million pieces all over again some time soon when we've had enough. I'll be prepared this time round, as prepared as snow white eating her second red apple :)

I foresee, i foresee that it'll be a long long night later. Heck, you don't even need a crystall ball to see i'll be up tonight trying my hardest to come one step close to completing the thesis and assignments. oooooooh, of sleepless nights. Now, where's my golden can sugar rush, gotta have some.hehe.